i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
