he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
