So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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