My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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