I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
