if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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