I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
