i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
