i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
