All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
