I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
