I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Never joke about your clitoris.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
