i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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