half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
