you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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