so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
