And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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