Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
