Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
