the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
