Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
