So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize