After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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