Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize