Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
