i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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