The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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