Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm at about main and main street
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
