I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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