My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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