So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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