I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I deserve this hangover.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
