I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
