you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
