everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize