You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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