We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize