Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
