my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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