Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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