did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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