Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
