I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
