Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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