Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
