Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
why do cheetos always look like penises
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
