Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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