he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
