So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
