I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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