Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
