I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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