dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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