There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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