Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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