You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
