1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
