is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
