When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
