Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Blood and glitter go together right?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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