Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
