I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I am naked and annoyed.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
