i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
